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Question 101
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Title: Workplace sexual harassment?
Text: So I’m a 28 year old male working at a bank. I have a woman coworker I’m very close with. I consider us to be best work friends. She’s married with children and I’m gay, she and everyone knows this. However when I go to her office and just chat, multiple times she stares and looks at my crotch. It makes me uncomfortable because I notice it every time. I just need to get it off of my chest, I couldn’t possible rat her out to HR and cause a scene. I just don’t understand why? And shes not the only woman I’ve notice doing it, there’s one other. Has anyone had this problem?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 102
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Title: I would love to know how you would react
Text: Hello everyone-
Today I was walking in my neighborhood past a house that I always walk by. This house, in particular, has flags and signs that would allude to the fact that they may support a certain someone that may not respect women all that much...
Anyways, I was walking and was wearing a plain black tank top and black shorts. Nothing fancy or loud. As I’m walking past the house, a guy who I do not recognize was cutting the grass. The man who owns the house is elderly so he doesn’t cut the grass but he also didn’t hire a lawn service because there was no lawn vehicle in the area.
I approach the house and the man cutting grass is on the edge of the yard and stops to let me pass (nice, right?). He is also probably approx 40 years old-perhaps the son of the homeowner. I do a quick wave and try to walk past as fast as possible so he can proceed. And as I was past him, I see him pull his phone out and then turn around to face my direction as he holds the phone up (which looks very much like he’s taking a photo).
At this point I feel very uncomfortable and have no clue how to react. I wanted to turn around and ask him what he was doing, yet I didn’t want to indulge in him and show my face and potentially have a photo taken of my face. Instead, I just tried to walk as fast as I could home. But I continued to feel really shaky and uneasy about it. Because I couldn’t be 10000% sure he did that but at the same time I knew he did...
How would you have reacted? What would’ve been an effective reaction or response?
Edit: I also want to note that whether I was wearing a snow suit or a bikini, no one should be made to feel uncomfortable. I just wanted to explain the situation in detail
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 103
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Title: I'm so, so tired
Text: I'm so tired of seeing people my age doing all the things I wish I could do and have. It hurts so fucking much. I'm in so much pain please let me die
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 104
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Title: Do my neighbors think I’m a snitch for telling the cops what my boyfriend did?
Text: They called the police because they heard yelling and once they showed up I told them everything. I was so frazzled it just spewed out of my mouth and I wish I just shut up right there. I’m worried my neighbors heard the whole thing and think I’m a snitch. I don’t know why I care so much what they think, but I’m so ashamed that I have barely left the apartment since it happened. I’m worried they’ve been hearing me wake up from nightmares screaming recently too, and that I’ve been waking them up and it’s making me hate myself.
Edit: thank you all for being honest and kind to me. I know this should be the least of my worries but now it’s barely a worry at all thanks to your perspectives. Thanks to you I can now move on with the healing and not think about my neighbors’ opinions of me as much, and that’s an amazing real life result that I didn’t expect to get from comments on Reddit. I’m going to keep everything said in mind and try to get out of the apartment tonight!
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_past
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Question 105
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Title: Im a female know 16
Text: So i was in my moms town for holidays and we decided to visit a known person (man) he also had his wife there his grandchildren’s and his kids.that was a big house i hope u understand(cause my english is not the best.)the man that did this to me was a relative of my grandma i also used to call him grandpa(my real one had died)i was about 11 he was so sweet and he showed affection to me thats why i called him that. Back to my story one day before my 12th birthday we went in a nearby shop at our return he suddenly kissed my belly i found it odd but didn’t though much of it. The next day (my 12th birthday) i was in a room (they had plenty of rooms) i was playing games in my moms phone(there was also his grandchild playing games in her phone as well but we were in separate beds and she had her back turned in the other way also she was about 5/6), suddenly he came to the room but i didn’t though much of it. he came near the bed i was laying on. He putted his hands under my shirt and went up to my b00bs and started squeezing them (i froze at that moment i couldn’t react) after squeezing my b00bs, he putted his hands under my panties and kind of fingered me?Rubbed my v@g1na and left.after he left i got up and went to the bed where his grandchild was sitting at he came back again after some minutes if i remember good he was holding a condom? But seeing me sitting with his grandchild he left. Also after some weeks he came to visit our house (cause we were at his when this happened) it was night and he was staying over. Before he went to sleep he asked me if i want to go and sleep with him in case im scared(in a room that nobody else would be sleeping at) i obviously said no. Lastly he was old man he was about at his 60s/70s
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past, childabuse_endangerment_past
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Question 106
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Title: Don’t want to be here
Text: I was doing ok and my parents forced me into a depression program and won’t let me come home it is pure torture they were trying to get me into the worse one they don’t seem to care
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 107
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Title: Somebody get attached to me
Text: I don’t care to lie I miss being needed tf. I miss caring about somebody,supporting somebody,being there,I really fucking miss someone being so attached that their anxious when we aren’t together I know it sounds toxic but it’s true.
I’m tired of being the only anxious one
I miss being missed and obsessed over 😭
“you sound narcissistic” so lol
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 108
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Title: I don't care about money or material things
Text: I graduated in business and I don't care about money or material things. I don't care if I have $400 or $400,000 in my bank account. I don't care if I have a porsche vs. a honda or the latest iphone. It's messed up. I see other people who need five cars and three homes and all this other stuff and I could care less. I also feel like I can't hold down a stable relationship with anyone or I'm not compatible with many people because of it. The one girl I knew from hs was the opposite of me - take, take, take, until I had nothing left to give. She was so toxic that I don't even care if I get laid anymore. My social life sucks. I've never had a gf, but I don't even know if I can function in a relationship. My family is good and I've had a better upbringing then most people. I got a new job out of college, and the people there seem nice. But I don't care about the money and the people outside of my family are always toxic. I have nothing to work towards or strive for.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 109
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Title: Can I be put away for having suicidal thoughts?
Text: My mom said she can call and have me put somewhere for mentally ill people. I’m 18 years old. There’s no way people can just legally hold me somewhere against my will. If so then that’s fucked up. I’m not insane, I can still be reasoned with. I’m not a threat to others. There’s just no way.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 110
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Title: Need an internet pro to help with harassment
Text: A fake Instagram account is messaging me with my nudes threatening to “expose” me. Is anybody in here an internet whiz who can see if that person has any other Instagram accounts? Or can point me in the right direction? Thanks so much in advance
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 111
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Title: Old scars visible after exfoliating
Text: I've been clean from self harming for probably 8 years now. I would say I'm fully recovered!
I've started getting back into skin care and got a sugar scrub to exfoliate all the dead skin. I just noticed that old scars on my tummy are visible for the first time in a long time.
Has anyone else experienced this?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_past
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Question 112
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Title: Life is getting scary again
Text: Its going good recently got in a new relationship, made some good memories with some friends but at the back at my head I’m 15 again with a blade held at my wrist and suddenly here I am now holding a blade against my wrist thinking about it all the flash jacks, the sinking stomach feeling, the tingles in the face, the shallow breathing and my mind just telling me to do it and get it over with that all the other times I was useless enough to not even finish the job but maybe this time I’ll man up and go through with it, it’s just the scary thoughts of being left alone again and having no one they were sone of my darkest times and I never want to go back to that ever again.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing, selfharm_ongoing
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Question 113
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Title: Next week my sister will marry my rapist.
Text: And I will go to the wedding and smile and pretend nothing is wrong because I'm a goddamn coward.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 114
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Title: It’s not fair that it’s on my mind 24/7
Text: I hate how debilitating it is to have to think about it constantly. I get away from it for a second if I think about something else bad, but I feel like what happened to me is always in the back of my head.
It’s especially not fair because I’m almost 100% sure he doesn’t even remember me at all. He can just go on in his day to day life. It’s so evil that rapists can just feel like they want to get off one day and ruin your life forever.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 115
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Title: Self-Harming for seemingly no reason
Text: I tend to cut myself for no reason, just randomly decide to go get my pocket knife and cut myself (Somewhere Private). Not for any specific reason, just get the urge to cut whenever I think about it. I might have BPD if that changes anything. Am I alone? Does anyone know why?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 116
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Title: Ex is in jail for felony DV and a private investigator came to my house
Text: My ex has been in jail for about two weeks after a very violent fight. I have been staying with friends for a few days and when I came home today, there was a private investigators card in my door. The court advocate said that this would likely happen and that I’m not required to talk to them.
He and I have a long history of him abusing me, most of which I haven’t reported. He was arrested 12 years ago on a misdemeanor DV in a different state but I didn’t cooperate so he plead out to probation. Last year I got a civil restraining order against him but later dropped it after we “reconciled.” This past week he beat me so bad and then kept me in the house for four days because my bruises were awful. I ended up leaving through the bedroom window and begging neighbors for help when he continued to threaten me. This time I told the police what happened and allowed them to take pictures. He was arrested and charged with three felonies and a misdemeanor.
What exactly is this PI looking for? Has anyone else dealt with this? Feels like it’s an insurmountable mountain at this moment.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_ongoing
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Question 117
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Title: Relapse after 5 years
Text: Okay… hi everyone! My name is Austin, I am 22 years old, and I was previously 5 years self harm free before today. I never stopped being depressed, I have struggled with depression for roughly 10 years now (being Borderline Personality Disorder probably doesn’t help that either). But recently it’s been extremely difficult. As I said previously, it has been 5 years since I last self harmed. I decided to dedicate my energy to quitting self harm when I was 17, as I had lost my daughter only 3 months after her birth due to SIDS. I tattooed my arm with a Violet (her name was Violet) as a constant reminder that I am bettering myself in memory of her. Flash forward 5 years, I am now in a new (not new) relationship of 2 years. I am happy for the most part. The depression and anxiety doesn’t prevent me from feeling happy on a daily basis, it just prevents me from being happy in a long term sense, and my overall mood and health have suffered. Today I just had one of those really bad days. The kind where everywhere you turn it feels like the universe is kicking you down and keeping you there.
I do have some superficial cuts on my arm as of right now, and I don’t want my current partner to know about it. I do not plan on falling back into cutting, this was just a temporary setback… it happens, and I’m not going to let it get me down.
However, I am out of practice in hiding cuts. I haven’t cut since I was a teen after all… and I can’t exactly wear a hoodie for the next week. It’s 80+ degrees outside and she will know something is up.
How can I conceal these cuts until they heal? Will makeup work? Or will it irritate the wounds and make it worse?
Any advice is helpful and appreciated! Thank you for taking the time to read this, I know it’s long and boring, and please know that I am not in any danger, nor do I have current self harm tendencies or a plan to continue self harming.
Thank you!
-Austin
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 118
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Title: Sexual exploitation
Text: Hey I’m in a bad situation with someone having nude pictures of me and threatening to leak them if I don’t give them money. What can I do? I know the location they live and there name, no address though or photo.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 119
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Title: Neighbor's Abusive Ex Threatened Me
Text: I'll keep this brief: my new neighbor is getting out of what she described to me as a domestic violence situation. Somehow, her ex-partner got hold of her phone, and through it, my contact information. He has since blown up my phone -- every time I block him, he calls from another number -- and in one voicemail, threatened to kill me and burn my home down. I have no idea how serious he is, or why he is targeting me alongside her, but I'm pretty rattled. Do I have grounds to file for a restraining order? What is the best course of action here, both for me and for her? Really grateful for any advice.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 120
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Title: Idk if I was raped or not
Text: I was raped a couple of years ago…I think.
My friend and I went out for drinks (I was 19 btw). A stranger guy came up to us (he was maybe 30) with his friend. We went back to their place within maybe a minute of talking.
I’d had maybe 6 or 7 shots and was a lightweight.
The guy’s friend took my friend downstairs. I *might* have consented to have sex with him, but I wasn’t in my right element since I’d never do that sober. I remember telling him I was a virgin
He proceeded to:
1. Push me on the bed
2. Bite me
3. Suffocate me by putting his chest across my mouth
4. Ordering me to do things to him without asking what I was comfortable with, giving commands
5. Didn’t stop even when I said I was bleeding
6. Told me to get into different positions
7. Told me to say things to him and got angry when I didn’t say them.
8. Tried to take pics of me.
My friend and his friend came back and he said to me ‘hey X, he hasn’t seen your breasts yet’ and drunk me flashed him. They were both giving me dirty looks. My friend and the guy and I all got into the same bed. He wrapped my hand around his junk and kept touching me even after I’d put my clothes on.
We left in the night. Turns out the guy’s friend and the guy also fingered her while we were in bed.
Anyway, was this rape? I always worry that 1. I was into it or ok with it 2. Maybe the guy didn’t mean to hurt me?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 121
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Title: I want to relapse so fucking bad
Text: Title
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 122
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Title: My rapist raped again
Text: I was raped 2.5 months ago. I was too afraid to report it and ashamed. I finally worked up the courage today to confront his girlfriend so that I could warn her. She immediately believed me (much to my surprise) and confessed he's been raping her too. We're going to go to the police together today.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 123
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Title: How do I make myself leave
Text: I keep doing things I don’t want to do and staying with my abuser, despite having multiple ways out and safety plans, because I’m scared to tell him no and scared to tell him I want to leave.
Even though I know he’s eventually going to be mad at me anyway as always; we’re just in the honeymoon phase of the cycle right now. I waited for this, the calm between the storms, for my chance to go. And instead, I tell myself 100 times a day how mad at him I am and how much I want to leave, but then I cherish every nice moment with him; procrastinating the inevitable.
Eventually I’ll wait too long and he’ll be angry again. Threatening me, punishing me, telling me he’ll kill himself if I leave so I’ll have to stay for months until it calms down, again. Kicking myself for not doing this when things were calm, just like always.
I guess I’m trauma bonded or whatever. I don’t really know. I just know I want out, but I want things to be okay. I’m scared he’ll get madder than ever if I leave, based on how mad he’s gotten any time I tell him I want to leave. I’m scared he’ll either actually kill himself or show up at my moms house where he’ll know I’ll be with guns or something until I come out, or what if I’m not there and he holds my mom hostage until I agree to go with him? Maybe I’m overthinking, but I truly believe he is one of the ones capable of anything. Any time I tell anyone they just say to get cops involved, but I don’t like how cops handle these situations, plus he has told me explicitly many times that he will kill me and then himself if I call cops or otherwise cause them to come, like screaming too loud or something.
He hasn’t been violent with me in a long time. But he knows I don’t want to be here and he knows I don’t want to do the things he tells me to do. I just stopped saying no so we don’t really argue anymore, until I ask for something or I say no to him. If he can’t even handle the word no, how will he handle the ultimate rejection of me leaving? If I can’t even say no, how will I ever be able to say goodbye?
Then if I leave, do I just leave a letter? I know I’ll probs never have the courage to do it face to face.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_ongoing
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Question 124
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Title: “You’re not alone” doesn’t help me and I don’t know why anybody thinks it will
Text: I don’t understand why people say shit like this, along with lines like “other people have it worse” “things always get better” “you don’t have it so bad”
Like, how do people not understand that this shit makes me feel WORSE? I already know I don’t have it as bad as other people! That just makes me feel even shittier because I should be seizing the opportunities I have, but I don’t. Keeping myself from spiraling down even further is like a full time job, leaving me no time or motivation to do anything else.
I don’t see how I can possibly move past this when I can’t even bring myself to have a basic daily self care routine. I feel like I’m working my ass off and moving literally nowhere. I’m 30 with no job, no money, no girlfriend (or friends in general), and no self esteem.
I’m a fucking manchild who still has to be supported by his parents. I constantly see and feel the judgement of people when they start to piece together my life and realize I’m just a fucking loser. I was never as smart or capable as I thought, I was just really good at faking it. But now people can see that I’m really just a pathetic piece of shit and nobody wants to be around me anymore.
The one thing I had left was my looks and now that I’m going bald, that will fade away soon too. I’m so lucky to have parents who offer to help, but they’ve already spent so much on me that I just feel fucking pathetic making them do anything else for me. I can’t stand leaving the house now and I’ll put off simple tasks like getting groceries for weeks, rationing my food and sorta starving myself until it becomes unbearable and I work up the courage to go outside.
Everyone I get close to fucking leaves me and I’m sick of building up relationships just to be broken down over and over again. This shit is fucking dumb and I really don’t see the point in putting myself through all this suffering just to inevitably end up with a mediocre life. This wasn’t how shit was supposed to go down.
I just wish my parents weren’t around so I didn’t feel so bad about killing myself. They’ve already lost their only other kid, and I can’t put them through that pain again, especially when I have a choice. But I just don’t see how things will get better. I’ve been spending fucking years trying to improve myself and I feel like I’ve only gotten worse.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 125
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Title: Having a moment❤️
Text: Happy new year everyone.
I feel pretty good right now. My ex is in jail. I’ve decided to move out of my current apartment before his release. I may go as far as moving hours away from my current city. I can always come back to visit and when I do I’ll be too busy with friends to worry about running into him. I know with enough time running into him won’t even bother me... it’ll be like walking past a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk.
Anyways, I’m just pretty proud of myself right now. It took me a very long time to be able to physically defend myself from him. I had gotten in a couple fights when I was a kid and had always been able to hold my own until him. It took a very long time for me to be able to fight back with any success.
It feels great to be sitting here in this nail salon getting my toes done, imagining him sitting in jail, replaying the last time he showed up at my front door and tried to over power me. I bit him so hard part of his tattoo came out in my mouth, I tore his clothes, I gave him a bloody lip and sent his ass scrambling out the door of my apartment building. He was scared and desperate to get away from me. I don’t consider myself a violent person but it’s just so satisfying to think about.
I never thought I would be okay and I’m actually almost there and I hope no matter where you’re at in the saga, that you make it out.❤️
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_past
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Question 126
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Title: i really wanna hang myself rn. Im not going to do it, but i really want to
Text: im not feeling good this morning so im cutting up my leg rn ): but it happens u know
sometimes things suck and u gotta cutt
(i already know cutting is bad so please dont mindlessly spew taht out in the comments. i also know how to take care of my cuts)
~~~~~~~
*edit: hey, i noticed the comments have been getting spicy and i would like to put my thoughts here instead of repeating them in the comments-
please DONT comment something along the lines of "i care about you" or "i love you". we are strangers on the internet. you dont know me, i dont know you, we dont know them. that means nothing to the receiving end.
please DO share your own experiences and how they may compare or contrast! i and others would much rather like to hear that we are not alone. theres also no harm in wishing others well rather than telling them things WILL get well.
also, please dont be toxic to each other. i can handle toxic comments, but idk other people's headspaces right now and id rather this post be a chill space than a nasty one.
thank you.*
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing, selfharm_ongoing
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Question 127
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Title: Reason
Text: Main reason I haven’t killed myself was because of my parents. I didn’t want to leave them with that burden. My dad died a couple of months ago after being sick for more than a decade. He didn’t make it past July. Now it’s just me and my mom. I just know if anything ever happened to her that would be it for me. But while she’s still here I would never let her know how much I think about killing myself.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 128
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Title: I think im gonna do it soon
Text: Ion know. I guess i js been cruising through life w a “its gonna get better if i wait” or “fuck it we ball” mentality. Its not really working though 🤷♂️ i mean life’s been getting better but at the same time it feels like my mental state been getting worse. I cant enjoy the things i have without thinking about other things. It feels like everything negative has just been piling up in my head, and ive been getting closer and closer to js ending it. Iono what to do about it but i felt like putting it here for some reason 😱 doesnt matter tho. Ill be outta everyones hair soon lol
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 129
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Title: Sh playlizt?
Text: I listen to songs when i cut sometimes and im wondering if any one else does the same here as well so if yes then what songs do you listen? My kist has random songs i just like the vibe of tbh like little dark age (mgmt), false priest?(nightspace), miss you (southpark), for the best (gregory and the hawk), rhine stone eyes (gorillaz) and choking on flowers (fox academy). Like they help keep my head cool and stop me from going overdoing
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 130
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Title: i'm pathetic
Text: i've composed a very lengthy suicide note just about two weeks ago and i couldn't even bring myself to do it. i didn't even go near the pills because i am a fucking pussy
​
and then after thinking long and hard during a miserable walk home i realized i don't wish for death more than anything, but a happy childhood. i just want to die because my one chance for that is gone and now i have this long, insufferable broken down road ahead of me.
i hate that i'm so weak. i've gone through the worst but just a day alone with my thoughts and i'm suicidal again.
my dad had once said to me that even if i tried to kill myself, i would just half ass it like everything else i do and he was so right
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_past, suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 131
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Title: my friends get mad when I talk about me self harming
Text: I opened up to my friend group of 5 other people and told them that I cut myself. But whenever I try to talk about it they just try and avoid it. I know that they can't really understand it or help a lot other then just saying "you need to get help" but I really need someone to talk to. Is this selfish to want them to care more? I can't talk to my mom or dad for other reasons but bottling up everything just fucking sucks. One of my friends say stuff like "you shouldn't talk about it to the rest of our friend group cuz they think it's annoying." Or that they think I just bring it up for attention. I feel guilty for putting my problems on other people so I have just kind of dropped it and keep to myself more. The last time I talked to any of them was I think 12 days ago. I think I ruined my relationship with my friends and now I don't know what to do.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 132
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Title: I'm on the edge
Text: Me and my dad can't have three words without ending up in an argument pretty much the same goes for everyone else. It seems like if I died tomorrow no one would give a shit. In most family functions I'm the outcast and it seems no one wants me around. My brother got to do whatever he wanted since he was 12 I've just turned 18 and am told I can't do this or that like I'm a fucking toddler and I'm about sick and damn tired of it. It seems like the only solution to being treated like a sack of shit is end it. I've dropped out of school because of bullying and it never helped because me and dad go back and forth arguing every damn day about nonsense. Please help me I'm just want a reason to keep going.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 133
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Title: Don’t feel a thing
Text: TW: descriptions of depth, SH etc.
So I’ve been self harming for a long time, & have been pretty obsessed with going deeper. I do it on my legs/ hips so it’s not as dangerous since I’m not super thin or anything. I always go pretty deep like to the hypodermis (fat) usually, or at least that’s the “goal” in my head. But sometimes I don’t even feel it? Like today I couldn’t feel it at all when I was doing it, so i went rly deep, just cause I could & didn’t rly feel it? I could feel cat scratches a bit, but not the fat wounds much at all, sometimes they’ll hurt rly bad, sometimes it’ll feel similar to how it looks, but not today. It was like I wasn’t even fazed by what I was doing, sometimes that freaks me out, others curse & wince at a paper cut or cooking burn making a big deal over it but I just cut myself purposefully pretty deep (sometimes) without moving a muscle, it just doesn’t feel like anything, physically or mentally (in the moment) sometimes, & I’ll often zone out, like I’m turning off my mind to do it more efficient & calmly, sometimes it makes me feel strange, like I am not a normal person. After awhile I felt pain inside my leg, like internally? Idk if that’s related or not but the wounds don’t hurt much at all. Idk why? Is that weird? I know self harmers say it doesn’t hurt normally often but sometimes it does? & geez that’s a hell of a pain tolerance if it’s as simple as that.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 134
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Title: I don't want to be happy
Text: I am often told that I need to figure out how to be happy. And then work towards it. The truth is, at this point, I don't want to be happy. I just wanna die
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 135
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Title: Nobody but self harmers seem to have any understanding of this
Text: I just need to have a bit of a rant for a bit. I've be talking to a lot of close friends, my therapist, and too a small extent my parents about my self harm and I'm completely shocked out how it seems to just go straight over their heads.
The worst is my therapist because she should know better. She said instead of self harming I should use a rubber band or write on my arm and every other replacement that isn't even remotely effective. I explained how much this has a grip over me and how doing that is akin to telling a heroin addict to substitute it with weed. All she did was nod her head and move on to the next topic.
My family and my friends are even worse. My parents just straight up don't understand and make no effort to try while my with my friends it goes in one ear and out the other. I explain to them how hard it is to deal with emotional flash backs day in, day out and that this is one of my only methods to relax without just decompressing for 30 minutes to 12 hours. But they act like I should just use a bit of self control and just deal with my emotions. I tell them to imagine the time they experienced the most difficult and powerful emotion they've ever experienced and ask them what it would be like if they experienced that every single day for 12 years. Nope. Nothing. They literally just don't get it.
I'm frustrated because it feels like I'm alone in all this. I can't depend on anyone for the help with this whatsoever other than doing PTSD therapy, but that'll take years and years to become emotionally stable through that. This is basically the only place I can come to were people actually understand this. Frustrates the absolute hell out of me.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 136
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Title: Fake Therapist used my story to rape me [Update]
Text: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/rape/comments/jkflcg/fake_therapist_used_my_story_to_rape_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
I really appreciate all the kind comments and helpful information you all provided me. I’m not convinced yet, but I especially appreciate your insistence that I’m not an idiot.
Here’s what I learned so far:
The name he provided me was real, but he looks nothing like the photo when i look the guy up online
The office space he used was real, but was supposed to be closed for COVID-19 and the actual employees of the location have been doing Zoom appointments only.
This explains why he was so rigid with scheduling. I suppose he found a way to access the building but only during a specific time
He did the same to someone else, ultimately raping her less than 24hrs before he got me. We found each other by chance and have since discovered we came across him initially in a similar way.
We are going to work together to track him down and seek justice as he’s kinda just disappeared.
Finding her and realizing how elaborate a scheme this all was has helped a bit but I still feel like a fool.
Lastly, I’d like to remind some of you, that the rapekink sub still exists and that is not where I posted my story.
Thanks so much everyone
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 137
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Title: Is it normal to “write something“
Text: So I sh today and normally just do like lines or whatever but today I kinda wrote something idk if wrote is the right word but I like cut a word onto my arm.
Idk if this is normal or if anyone else has ever done it?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 138
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Title: ive become so sensitive that even the most miniscule things make me suicidal.
Text: like i cojld be having an okay day and something small comes along, like i get a bad grade or i disagree with a friend, and boom: i want to end it. and you know what the worst part is? i dont want to get better. i dont know how to exist any other way.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 139
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Title: I caved after 5 years
Text: Im tired of people not listening to me, or not taking me seriously, or thinking i know nothing. Im constantly doubted, (wrongfully) corrected, and when they find out im right, gaslighted. Is it so impossible to believe i can know things? When others say the exact same thing as me theyre not questioned so why the hell cant i know shit? Just because i look like a pushover doesnt mean you can just decide im wrong.
Usually this stuff pisses me off but i dont act on it cause a quick google search usually shuts people down. But this guy was so obnoxious just now ive absolutely had it. I was telling a story about a memory i have and they so fucking confidently told me MY memory was wrong. They dont even share the fucking memory and it wasnt even anything unbelievable. "I dont think so. That sounds wrong. What probably happened was-" shut the fuck up you werent even there what the hell do you know.
I havent cut in 5 years (completely different reason) but this has been going on for so long and that was my last straw. I grouped up every fucking memory of me being overlooked, underestimated, gaslighted and silenced and put it on my arms. Im not proud of it, and what makes it worse is that i enjoyed it. Now i gotta wait for these to heal again. Good thing is winter.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 140
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Title: i was raped by my ex wife
Text: i’m a bisexual woman and ive been in a 1 year marriage. now we splitted ways and i see what she’s done to me. i can’t have sex with my current boyfriend cause i keep reminding the time she spitted all over me and spanked me and told me she wanted to violate me so i could feel as humiliated as she felt, so i could feel hurt. am i exaggerating? i’ve been raped before but i didn’t consent that even tho we were in a relationship. i just need to know if i was actually raped, if it’s not on my mind. i cant stop thinking about it ever since i realized how abusive that was. after the “sex” she simply cursed me and left the house. i was all alone and naked and cried my heart out, feeling so lonely and humiliated. i just wish i could forget or stop blaming myself but i feel like i was abused and also feels like im going mad. was i really raped?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 141
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Title: broke 10 months today. need advice
Text: i understand why i do it. i don’t know why i keep coming back.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 142
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Title: I think the only thing stopping me from killing myself is the fact I do not like pain.
Text: I just wanna peacefully disappear in my sleep. Or get randomly abducted by aliens. I don't want people to remember who they think i am. I just wanna vanish without a trace. I've fucked up so much already.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 143
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Title: Craving human connection
Text: I’m so beyond touch starved. It just adds to my depression. I wish I had someone to just lay with and feel the warmth next to. Everything feels so cold. I think about people I’ve slept with in the past and how there was no love there or how I was the only one who felt love. I think about having been asked on a date in 2 years and how most men don’t give me the time of day. I want human connection but can’t seem to find any. Everything just feels so bad.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 144
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Title: I just want to shout out that I am 36 days clean
Text: that is all :)
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 145
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Title: Money
Text: I’m 19 and I’m at my lowest point in life. Growing up Mormon I always had such a strong belief and grit and so I could get through a lot. About a year ago I decided that mormonism probably wasn’t true, and so I honestly didn’t know what my purpose in life is. I believe that nothing you is good or bad unless you have some objective. I now don’t have any objective or path in life. This lead me to start making horrible financial decisions. Uncharacteristic of me because my whole life I was always disciplined and logical when it came to financial decisions. I’m now $75,000 in debt, my dreams of becoming a d1 athlete never panned out, I have no job, and I need to come up with $1500 today or I’ll loose my car. If I were talking to my 15 year old self, he would have told me to get back to work and fix my life. But since I have no longer see a path that I’d be happy in life, I just want to end it. I also feel really bad because all of my friends and family help me too much and I don’t really reciprocate anything. I’m kind of a just a lazy sack of shit
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 146
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Title: “The past hour I’ve had”
Text: I just got done sitting in the bathtub cutting all over my body. No water, all the lights off, just sitting there with a knife and cutting. I have one alter personality I named Armen that talks to me. He’s been there since I was real little. I’m now almost 20 and he comes out much more often now. He encourages me to do all of these bad things. I want to do it myself but I can’t bring myself too most times, so then he enters my mind and he gives me enough drive to get it done, because it’s what I deserve. Anyway, I’m rambling. Nobody knows the rage I feel, how much I hate myself. I just wish I was never born, my parents didn’t even want me, and barely even talk to me, I have only one friend, and my girlfriend keeps growing more and more distant. I don’t know when I’ll do it, but I know I will eventually. I know it.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing, selfharm_ongoing
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Question 147
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Title: Why doesn’t my high school do something about people being sexually harassed or raped in school?
Text: My high school is in Pennsylvania, United States. There has been possibly about 30 people that have claimed/have proof went to court for being sexually harassed or raped. Someone went to court and filed rape, sexual harassment, etc. A few months later he pled guilty. And the school did nothing about it even
when proof was shown. They also schedule the next classes with the person that got raped with the
rapist. I just think this is completely wrong. I want your guys opinions though!
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 148
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Title: Rapist has a Girlfriend, Should I text her?
Text: **\*\*\*Trigger warning, sexual assault, r\*pe\*\*\***
*Dear Reddit,*
The details of my sexual assault are not important for this discussion, but I do have a question about the aftermath.
**The Story:**
After 2.5 years, I ran into my rapist at a party. I had noticed he had been awful friendly with a girl so I asked someone at the party and they informed me that woman is his girlfriend.
He approached me at the party and asked, "are we good?" (so immature IMO.)
After answering "no" I asked,"have you told your girlfriend about me?"
To which he answered "sort of."
**My Question:**
Is it my duty as a woman to talk to my rapist's girlfriend?
**A thing to keep in mind:**
I did not report him but he does admit fault.
**My thoughts:**
What if he twisted the story to where he doesn't sound like a bad guy?
What if he told the story as is, and she doesn't think it was sexual assault?
What if he lied about telling her?
**Conclusion:**
Should I talk to her, or let them live their lives since it's been so long?
Thank you for your time to read my post.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 149
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Title: I’m going to off myself FUCKKK
Text: The pain of dying can’t outweigh the pain of living
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 150
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Title: “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone“
Text: This quote by Robin Williams has destroyed me. I’ve realized why I hate being with people more than being alone, even if I’m smiling and having fun.
*EDIT* wow, thanks so much to every single supportive comment. means more than the world to feel supported. to everyone suggesting social media is a cause of this- is not the case here. i don’t use social media, because I know the conversations on there don’t follow me to my grave ❤️ real life human connection does. today was a good day, thankyou everyone for your love.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 151
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Title: insufficient evidence
Text: after a year of suffering because of his actions, he gets away with it. he assaulted four women in one night. he raped me. and he will have no repercussions. his friends lied for him and they took their words as truth. fuck the system. fuck him. fuck my university. idk what to do, i’m just so incredibly devastated
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 152
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Title: I'm not cutting as much as I used to ...
Text: I know it's a good thing that I'm not cutting that much any more. But why do I feel so much worse now compared to when I used to cut daily?
I find that I physically can't bring myself to do it sometimes. In my mind I fantasize about it, but in reality I just hold the >!blade !<against my skin and end up not doing it. Does anyone have the same experience?
Even when I do sh it's not the same. I can't go as deep as I used to. I can't do as many as I used to. The pain hurts worse than I remember it. All I want is that release, but it's not happening. I feel myself getting worse, but at least I'm not cutting, right? Me not cutting doesn't feel like my choice to stop if it's something I want to do but can't bring myself to do.
I've just... never felt worse. And it seems like my unhealthy coping mechanism isn't really helping me any more. And I really miss when it helped, even if it was just temporary.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 153
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Title: everywhere i work
Text: 3 of my past jobs and the one i'm currently at right now i've had coworkers be creepy with me. i've tried to report it in the past with a much older guy touching me and nearly sitting on my lap, coming into the storage closet with me and making remarks. i reported it and nothing happened so i quit. at another job i was cornered in the dressing room and told "people have sex in here all the time, would you?" i reported it again and nothing happened. at my current job this guy (manager) is telling people we are gonna go out when i never said anything along those lines, he's keeping me late at work when there's nothing left to be done. i wouldn't say he's necessarily being creepy, but i'm just worried it'll progress and get worse. i'm at a loss here because reporting them seems to do nothing, especially because he's a manager in this situation. it's just hard because when i vent to people in my life they always just tell me i'm being too nice and it makes me feel bad about myself.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 154
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Title: I had my first therapy appointment ✨
Text: Haha, that was absolutely terrifying, but I did it so.
I have gone to therapy before, a few years, but I didn't want to be there and wasn't ready to honest. But today I saw (via zoom) a university therapist and she was really nice. I even told her that I self harm and my gender confusion, and I didn't get in trouble or anything. Haha, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now (kinda overwhelmed) but I know my one friend who know I made this appointment is proud of me. Ah that was so scary. I have another appointment scheduled for the 14th.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 155
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Title: My very abusive ex and rapist moved back to my small town
Text: After the court proceedings, I moved out of state. I was running away from everything and didn’t want to accidentally run into him.
A year later he moved away from my town to over an hour away. I moved back home and felt happy knowing he wasn’t here anymore.
Now 4 years later he has moved back to my hometown. I hate this. I know it is inevitable that I will run into him. I hate him, I hate this. I wish he would die . The very least he could do was stay away from my town forever.
My sister had to serve him coffee today at the hospital. He’s having his second kid with his new women. His third baby momma. He has 3 previous kids which he has no contact with because of DV and him being an evil person. He makes me sick. I saw someone that looked like him while walking downtown and started gagging and freaking out.
I want to move but this is MY hometown. He grew up in a differenty state. My family lives here. I have an affordable home here. And he’s ruining it AGAIN.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_past, rape_past
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Question 156
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Title: Have you ever been harrassed by a teacher?
Text: It all started when my sir once winked at me. A test was going on, his legs were opened, he was touching his lips and winked at me. I saw it then he pretended that his eye was twitching. After we got the test results, I passed although I didn't know about it at all. I rechecked my answers and I only had one right. After a few days, I was doing my classwork when one of my pens dropped. He was passing by so he picked it up but he used my thigh as a support and then acted as if nothing happened. Ever since that he would make me not go to recess and tell me to do extra work. This is going on for a year. I would say I don't like it all but he does save me from bullies tho. For now I hope it stops
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_ongoing
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Question 157
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Title: Help prevent harassment!
Text: Hi everyone -
Knowing this is a safe place to discuss harassment, I know many of us may have stories of our own, whether we've been victims or bystanders - my heart breaks for everyone affected.
In an effort to prevent future occurrences, a friend's company is about to launch "All In" to help eradicate sexual harassment 'in the workplace.'
If this resonates on any level, I invite you to learn more about the project and share your story (100% anonymously) to help be a part of the solution. Feel free to share it with anyone you think might like to participate!
Learn more & share your story here: https://www.allin.community/share-your-story
Thanks in advance,
Whitney
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 158
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Title: Looking back at old photos and finding pictures of my bruises
Text: The difference between then and now is that I’m no longer deluded into believing he cares at all about me. I would send him photos of the bruises he put on my body because I actually thought it would make him realize how much he’s hurting me and work on the abusive behaviors.
Now I realize that HE COMPLETELY KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. He yelled at me and beat me because it was a way to break me down. He didn’t want me to feel proud or beautiful or smart or powerful. GOD he didn’t want me to ever feel like I had any power. Not only was he beating me, he talked shit about my friends and family, talked shit about my therapy. He is not a good person and he didn’t love me at all.
But I’m not bitter 🌹
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_past
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Question 159
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Title: I don't know if I'll make it to age 15. Help please.
Text: Hi. Recently I've been having this fear of being watched. Its gotten to the point where whenever I have to do just about everything in the dark. Getting dressed, having a shower, going to the bathroom. I have this fear that I have a stalker and cameras are placed around my room.
I even had a thought today when I was going to a hotel for a big NHL hockey tournament where people booked in there about a week before,(When I booked the hotel) and placed cameras around the room.
A big part of my fear also revolves around all the horrible things people do in the world.
I'm also having this issue where now I'm just always scared of the internet and all the bad things that happen on there.
It's getting to the point where I'm considering suicide and I just want the world to end. I'm currently trying to get a therapist. My parents are very supportive of it and are doing everything they can to help me.
This is ruining me. I'm only 14 years old and I still want to do a lot of things in my life. This all started because I had a fear because I thought my computer webcam was watching me because I had installed a lot of "Free games" on it, which probably was malware. If I was being watched, it probably was watching me for about 2 years. It would see me getting dressed and all that stuff.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 160
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Title: So here's a question and I hope that its appropriate…
Text: If some male actually did the awful thing of sexually approaching a few or couple of females inappropriately and uninvited or sexually harassing them when he was too drunk (not that that's an excuse,as he chose to get that drunk) before in life (and he stopped after the no and/or more clearer -perhaps including even physical- no's to his absolutely drunken mind at the times and then that was it as in he did not do something like that again after those times, to whoever)…
Does that mean that he deserves to be falsely accused (either officially to the authorities or while being the victim of false rumors,gossips and slander) later on in life by another female or other females of sexual harassment or assault or rape or having sex or doing something sexual with or to them when he did nothing of the sort with or to them? It's an obvious no to me but would some people perhaps think that he deserves it? I think that even if one not only approached and stopped after the rejection but actually insistently sexually harassed someone or raped them then that doesn't mean that that person deserves to be falsely accused of other things by whoever…
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 161
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Title: should i off myself with symptoms of being castrated and no cure?
Text: do you think I should off myself with massive muscle wastage, symptoms of impotence, insomnia, depression, chronic fatigue and brain fog. AND THERE IS NO TREATMENT
​
IM 45 WITH POST FINASTERIDE, POST ANDROGEN DEPRIVATION DISEASE SYNDROM
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 162
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Title: Just fuck my head man
Text: Like i feel like i really embarrassed myself today by trying to make sure my friend was good. I was at a party earlier and thought i overheard some guys saying something about cutting to my friend who cuts when they just weren't talking about that, then later i text my friend because it was kinda fucking with my head so i wanted to make sure they were ok and they told me no one was talking about that and now I'm like super embarrassed and want to just like stop. I really felt like i projected me being uncomfortable onto my friend when they were completely fine, i feel so stupid and just like incompetent to social situations.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 163
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Title: I feel so lonely and depressed
Text: I 23M I have no friends I have no one to talk with, I just sometimes talk to myself like an idiot so I can be less depressed but, I am getting tired of this.
People use me, broke me, I an now exhausted by this, I want change, I want loyal people I really want to be in a relationship, but why would anyone date me? I am not good looking I am somewhere average, I am not all buffed, I am not 6 ft tall, I am just a regular guy.
I want love, but it seems like I will never get it. I want somebody to tell me how much they love me while I look into their eyes and say I really wanna spend my last days with you.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 164
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Title: To all my self-conscious folks with self harm scars
Text: Fuck what anybody thinks about ‘em —
fuck what your inner asshole is saying —
get out and enjoy the weather if you can.
(Don’t forget to reapply sunscreen and stay hydrated darling)
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 165
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Title: What is wrong with me ?
Text: I have thoughts that I'm acting weird all the time, that something is wrong with me and I am somehow changing. I fear my thoughts of going crazy and schizophrenic are already delusions. I ruminate all day about thoughts that pops into my mind. I fear I will be instutionalised. I can not fuction properly because those thoughts are present every second. I dont feel like myself. I fear I am losing touch with reality. I question every decision and every thought. I am already 6th week on Lexapro 20 mgs but it looks like it's not working. I am browsing on internet for symptoms of mental illness to be sure nothing is happening. Than out of nowhere I get thoughts like you are crazy, you are depressed and this cycle continous endlessly. Help me please I can not rest.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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no_crisis
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Question 166
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Title: people are giving up on me.
Text: I jus want support, I want someone to be there for me, I want them o hug me and tell me is going to be ok. My only two friends gave up. My online friend didn't and I luv her sm but I can't see her irl I just want a hug, I want help I want someone to be there for me. I started self harming again badly, alot worse then I used too, it's now like kinda deep stryos on my arms and the blood is alot worse.i know it may not be that bad to other people but it's a lot worse than what my sh used to be. I have very skinny arms so I don't rlly have fat to cut through probs. I have been self harming for 4 years and it's so tiring I just want someone to hug me and tell me is going to be ok so bad, I've done it for my friends but I've never got a hug because I'm sad. My friend knew, she knew I as doing such a shitty job at hiding it but she didn't say shit. She knew what was going on. She said she can't make me stop and I need to stop myself, but I've noticed I am clean for maybe atleast a week when I get the right support from my online friend. I'm self harming everyday again, I want someone to tell I know it will be hell but I need help and I want people to fucking care or atleast be there for me.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 167
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Title: I just wish i had one person who understands me....
Text: It's getting too heavy lately....but have to keep it inside of me since no one cares over here...
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 168
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Title: I sometimes feel like giving up.
Text: I’m fed up of sacrificing.
I’m fed up of being a doormat.
I’m fed up of not being heard.
I’m fed up of my poor mental health.
I’m fed up of putting up with things.
I’m fed up of feeling inferior to people.
I’m fed up of not feeling how I want to feel.
*please no one DM/PM. It’s just a vent. Thank you.*
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 169
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Title: 66 YO Dad in Depression? Don't know what to do, PLEASE HELP
Text: My dad was in the merchant navy all his life but had a heart issue in 2014 after which he had to stop sailing (after almost 30 years). He was never someone who had a lot of friends because he was always out of the country for 6-9 months of the year.
Then covid hit and he was restricted to just our home - 5 members in the family (3 working). His health has deteriorated drastically in the last few months - we got his blood work and other tests done and almost all the organs and every parameter is okay for his age (66 years old).
When you talk to him he randomly starts laughing and finds it harder to even talk because he is laughing and sometimes while laughing he'll have tears in his eyes. Is this depression? I'm not sure what to do.
He was always in control and after retirement he literally has nothing to do, all he does is play poker online - almost every waking hour.
What can I do? He also has a problem with one of his legs so he finds it hard to walk for more than 50 steps at a time....
I just don't know what to do and would really really appreciate some help. He's not someone who will talk to a doctor, psychiatrist or psychologist about his condition. If we suggest that he'll just flip and get angry at everything.
His appetite is also gone but all the liver function reports and everything are fine. HELP!
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 170
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Title: After more than 2 years working on a relationship with a person suffering with mental illness, I can say I've reached a place where we both feel deeply happy and in love
Text: I have a 2 year long relationship with someone diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Things have been very hard in the past, but right now, I feel really happy on my relationship and I do envision a long term future with this person. I don't exactly know why I am writing this, but since I feel like sharing a little of my story with the world, I thought it might be useful to someone to read my statement about my experience and journey to where I am now.
Things were really hard in the beginning. My partner was very unstable and deeply depressed, simple things like sleeping or eating were herculean tasks to him that demanded a lot. Huge anxiety was easily triggered, that led to paranoid and intrusive thoughts, specially at night. Sometimes it lasted a couple of days, sometimes it lasted weeks, or a month. I really felt like on the more "happy" and stable days I had to take the best advantage out of it so that he felt like "coming back" from the pit hole was worth it. I felt like every time we cycled back into a depressive episode he was further and further away from me. I knew I couldn't really do much more than support him and maintain the bare minimum communication he allowed me to have with him but I just kept insisting and insisting because I thought that if I stopped doing so he would just detach completely from everything and everyone.
It was rough. Sometimes the emotional distance between us was so big that I thought I was in love with a man that would never love me. I felt neglected emotionally a lot of the times because I was supporting everything I could but I couldn't really have that back because my partner was living in a "survival" mode. When he became more willing to share, our communication also improved, he shared more with me and I learned how to help him better and also how to help myself to not take things too personally sometimes. Also, therapy and medical treatment were of main importance for his progress of course. There's no partner that can cure an illness, it can make it less difficult, for sure, but only the right treatment can really make it better. Fast forward to nowadays my partner works a full time job with quite some responsibility, he has plans for the future with me, he's stable, for the most part, he keeps his medical and therapy appointments on check, and he's happy. I wouldn't be with anyone else but him. I'm more confident than I have ever been, for the first time I feel someone truly sees me. and values me. We're both on our early 20s and starting our careers, I hope we can move in together in the near future, of course there are still bad times, but I do think we are more prepared now to manage the hard times.
I love him deeply, I'm so so proud of him for overcoming so much and that he's no longer suicidal. I am beyond happy he hang on long enough to embrace the person he's becoming and let himself love and be loved too. There's no better feeling in the world than just laying on his chest listening to his heart beating at night before falling asleep, I now it sounds very cheesy, but it's really the truth for me, it does feel like heaven.
If you're on a relationship going with a hard time understanding and dealing with your partner's mental health, I don't mean with this that you should stay and that you should endure all of it because I know how brutal and lonely it can be. Mental illness is devastating for the ones suffering with it, but also to others close to them. On a relationship, it can indeed became unhealthy for both parts to stay together, so, by no means I believe that the answer is always to stay. I only want to say that sometimes, it takes time and work, but things do get better, a lot better.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
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no_crisis
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Question 171
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Title: Why I didn’t report
Text: #whyididntreport is trending on twitter as it does at times and it never fails to make me feel like such a coward. I see women being so open with their stories and not only did I not report I never told a soul. I feel like I never can. It just feels so lonely sometimes and the guilt and shame become so heavy. If anyone else goes through this maybe we can feel less alone in the comfort of anonymity. Sending love.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 172
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Title: Recently relapsed
Text: I was clean for about a year and a half, but since I started college I've relapsed. Before id sh almost every day and would draw a lot of blood (none of my cuts have ever been too deep, they just bled a lot) but now I've started again they barely bleed and I hate it. I have changed the blade I use a couple of times to see if I get a different result but nothing. It's very upsetting as watching the blood drip was the most compelling part of sh to me. I don't want to cut too deep as I don't want to deal with possible infections or going to the hospital. So I'm just in a dilemma about what to do. I just want to feel better.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 173
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Title: just quit my job
Text: I quit my job today, I don't know if I should wait till my money runs out or give it all away and kill myself. I just don't want my parents to inherit it
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 174
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Title: Frightened to go to work
Text: I work in a nursery kitchen, as an assistant to a chef. I get on great with him and the rest of the nursery team.
Whenever the chef or I need to take a day off we are replaced by a contract chef, the majority of the time I get on well with the replacement chefs. However there is one who is excellent at his job, comes across as friendly and generous as he always has gifts to give staff, especially me. Which I have come to observe as a form of grooming, to which he seems to find it acceptable to say inappropriate things to me eg. Complimenting my body, touching me inappropriately or glairing at me in an uncomfortable way.
I voiced my concern to the main chef hoping that I would not have to work with that replacement chef ever again, but I have just been told I will be again on Friday.
I feel like I have not been taken seriously and considering resigning from my job. I am terrified of working with the contract chef as I believe he is very manipulative and I fear for my safety.
Regardless of his behavour when he returns it won’t take away what he’s alreay done, two members of staff said they would look out for me, but Im furious he is being allowed back, when it is obvious it has affected me.
TLDR: substitute co worker has acted inappropriately, I voiced my concern to work. But they are still hiring him to work with me and I want to quit my job because of it.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 175
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Title: Was it my fault?
Text: also would this be called sexual harassment?
I really want your honest opinion about if it was my fault or not bc I have thought it was my fault all this time and just want to know what others think. This is my first time even saying this story.
When I was 10 or 11 years old an account I got band and like I had another account on a different app (insta) (I forgot the app I was band off of but i think it was either twitter or musically (now called tiktok)). Some random person had messaged me saying that they know how to get my account back and that their account had gotten banned once as well but this person help them get it back. Little me was very very stupid enough and was like okay sure. (The email seemed legit like it looked like an email you would message to get your account back or something like that) I texted the email and told them what the person on Instagram told me to say (it was something like that I need help getting my account back). The person I texted, texted me back and told me they could ft. Around like 9 pm the guy called me and I thought he was just going to ask me a few questions and I’d get my account back (idk why I thought this I was really stupid back then). He told me I had to show my face and I asked him why he isn’t showing my face and he got mad and said if I don’t that he would call CAS (Children's Aid Societies) on me. (Idk why I believe this bc like why would he know where I lived). I got scared bc I didn’t want CAS called on me and I showed my face. He then proceeded to tell me I have to show him my private areas and I then told him no and hung up the phone. He then called me back and said I had to or he will call CAS on me so I told him what he wants to see and stuff and I showed him and I forgot how I knew he was taking pictures but I remember he was taking pictures (his screen was black so I saw nothing). I told him to that I was uncomfortable with him taking pictures and he got mad and told me that he needs to and will delete the pictures when we are all done. All the picture stuff happened every night for like a week and I remember the last night of it I was crying on the floor telling him I don’t want to show him anything anymore. He told me to stop crying and panicked and asked if anyone in my house was awake. I said no and he told me to go downstairs and get something to eat to calm me down. I calmed down and he asked me if I was calm and I said yes and he told me we had to continue and I told him I didn’t want to and he told me I had to in order to get my account back and also told me that if we don’t continue that he will call CAS. I went on and continued to listen to him but a few minutes later i ended the call and blocked him. The Instagram account messaged me saying I should unblock him and continue but I blocked that account and said nothing back. I have no idea who this guy was to this day and have lost the email and everything(I also tried logging into an account I used to message that person and forgot what there username was so idk who it was when I checked my block list). From what I remember the man sounded like he was 30 or something but idk. i really hope this made sense. i am 17 now and after those few days I learned to never messaged a stranger again. Was this my fault or the man’s fault?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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childabuse_endangerment_past
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Question 176
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Title: should I confront them via messenger
Text: I've been raped abd assulted multiple time. First guy was my boyfriend and the second one I had been with for a few weeks.
It's been 4 and 2 years. They're both with new women and getting their lives together. I'm married and have a baby daughter now.
But it still hurts so much. I still have flashbacks. I still have panic attacks... I still get scared when I see someone who looks like either of them..
I feel like I would get some emotional freedom if I messaged them. I was to go thru the situations, state the facts of what they did abd how it's affected me. I just want to see their reaction to it all. Just seeing they looked at it and blocked me would make me feel ok I think. I might feel less scared of them finding me again. I don't know.
.thoughts?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 177
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Title: Anybody else?
Text: Does anyone else just stay quiet because they feel like they are annoying? I choose to stay quiet because in the past I always just felt like I am annoying or making someone feel uncomfortable so I choose to just stay quiet. Anyone else feel or do this?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 178
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Title: I’m going to die soon.
Text: I can’t do it anymore. I have a plan in place that is pretty much fool proof. It will happen when I have money and can afford the means to do this. My main worry is police coming to my house once I have purchased the items. I don’t want to upset people, hell I’m even upset I’m gonna die soon but it has to happen I am in too much pain. I have accepted this is just the way things will be.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 179
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Title: having friends who sh sucks so bad my god
Text: they don't do this often but it's alot. it's enough to make me uncomfortable. for context I'm m17 I've been doing this shit for like 6 years now so I'm well versed and desensitised, where alot of this anger comes from. they always talk about it like it's such a serious issue for them which I get it, it is, it sucks. but I cut the top off a monster can to put flowers in around some of them the other day and obviously in an attempt to be relatable one of them (Public Enemy 1) was like 'oh is it a good thing to have sharp metal in this room. we already have scissors in this room, it's ALLUMINIUM, it's just like I can't describe it but they're so desperate to be relatable they try so hard to make these "funny" jokes that aren't funny at all. you're not going to cut yourself with the top of a monster can and if you're going to then GET HELP. they all refuse help it pisses me off, Public Enemy 1 HATES this subreddit because it "scares" them?! I just. don't. get. it. when I self harmed like they're doing (I know their tools and how deep their cuts are and where they are because they've ALL TOLD ME IN SOMEWHAT GRAPHIC DETAIL another story) I was desperate for help because I kne it would get bad and it has and they're rich they can get help their parents are majority wise supportive or at least willing to pay to help them I just don't get it
if you want attention accept the attention you know
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_ongoing
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Question 180
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Title: Self harm is self harm.
Text: It does not matter how you did it, how often it was, how long you struggled with it, or if it left scars. It's still self harm.
Your pain and your experiences are just as valid as anyone else's. Your struggle with self harm is just as real as anyone else's.
I literally don't care if you did it one time and it wasn't deep and it didn't scar and you never did it again. It was self harm. It counts. You deserve support and care and recovery. Your voice is a valuable part of this community, and never let anyone tell you otherwise.
DISCLAIMER: I read this on [tiktok](https://www.tiktok.com/@half_a_mile_away/video/6957915507609685253?sender_device=pc&sender_web_id=6959652772874667525&is_from_webapp=v1&is_copy_url=0) and thought it belonged here, not my words.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 181
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Title: All I ever want is to cuddle and talk, at least once in a while
Text: I’m not the least bit interested in a relationship right now or being anymore intimidate than this but I wish I had both friends open to snuggling up, playing with my hair, lay on my lap while I talk to them and/or play video games, etc., and the confidence to ask if they’d like that/seek out people who need physical comfort. At this point I wouldn’t be too picky about it because I’m so freaking touch starved. All I have are pillows.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 182
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Title: Workplace SA
Text: Need advice. I’m a 27f and I’m being harassed/assaulted by a 60m. At first it started with him making jokes about him taking me on a date but I always laughed it off because he did the same thing with everyone else my age. Fast forward to two years later, he’s newly widowed and has become more bold with coming up to me; touching me kissing me etc. I went to my manager the first time it happened but he told me that it was my fault and that I was in the wrong because by not standing up for myself I was encouraging the behavior. Basically told me that he wouldn’t do anything about it and that it was my problem to deal with because it would make me grow as a person. This is the same manager who knows about my sexual assault as a child and that my response to unwanted advances is to shut down and let it happen. I mentioned it to some other coworkers and they just laughed it off and said “yeah he’s in love with you good luck.” Flash forward to today he side hugged me and made a comment about me not wearing a bra and that “I was bad but he loved me anyway.” Nobody around really commented on it because “that’s just how he is.” But besides going to our director I don’t really know how to handle the situation. Yes I could tell him off but every time I go to say something I just shut down and end up talking about something else. Im absolutely terrified that if I reject him that I’ll end up getting backlash or hurt. He’s already found my private social medias; I didn’t accept the friend requests, but he found a photo of when I was 15 and made the comment that he wasn’t lonely because he could look at his girlfriend all the time now. I don’t want him to loose his job, but i just want to be left alone.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing, childabuse_endangerment_past
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Question 183
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Title: My cousin self harmed
Text: I saw that my cousin self harmed a month ago, whenever he posted a TikTok vent about it and I just now saw it, I’m not sure what to do, I live with his sister currently, I’m not sure if I tell her or keep it a secret, I texted him and told him that I’m there for him, but he has self harmed and has been in the hospital twice in the past, what do I do? Should I tell his sister?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 184
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Title: ppl don’t talk enough about how when you lived in a “depression room” on and off for many years it starts to feel like ur room can never be truly clean again no matter how clean it is in actuality
Text: yes i’m deep cleaning my depression room rn how did u know
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 185
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Title: i’m getting forensics tomorrow
Text: i’m scared. i don’t know what’s going to happen, not even sure if anything’s going to show up because it was a few days ago. my close friends know what happened and they’re great but the second i’m alone i cant help but feel like the world is caving in on me. i don’t know how to tell my parents that this happened to me, i don’t know how to tell my brother, i don’t know how to even process this. i moved out a few weeks ago and everything changed for me and just as i was getting used to living away from my family this happens to me and i can’t wrap my head around it. i trusted him.
this probably makes no sense but i just needed to try and organise my thoughts somehow
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_ongoing
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Question 186
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Title: Have you ever thought to yourself while meeting a new person "if we met when we were little kids, we would have been best friends" but you're not that same kid anymore and it just makes you all sad and nostalgic as you totally don't get along with the other person even though you really want to?
Text: I think about that often
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 187
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Title: Am I in the wrong?
Text: I don’t know how to feel about this right now. The individual Im copy/pasting our conversation with below has been warned by me and several other in our friend group to not touch or act inappropriatly around (as well has been fired from several jobs for sexual harassment)
Me: man I like hanging out with you but I have to ask that you cool it with the touching and the sexual stuff. I respect the way you live but touching is already a hard barrier for me and the innuendos and gestures are not ok. I don't want this to be a divide or risk causing tension in the friend group so I'm asking you nicely as a man to respect my space so that way we can still be friends and hangout
Him: You are such a beautiful soul no matter how tough you try to be, I love you and how about we meet in the middle what if I sexually assault brody instead from now on and you know that I care enough about you to settle for him instead.
Me: Not cool
I've set the the boundary and if you refuse to respect it I won't treat this as comradely but as a direct sign of disrespect
Him: Ok well that is a respectable but what if brody actually wants it?
Me: That's between you and him. I don't feel comfortable with the invasion of my personal space if he decides for himself that's for him and you nothing to do with what's going on here.
Him: Ok well just know I love you baby and I can't wait to have a completely fun platonic time at renfest tomorrow. But to be fair I literally saw brody grapple you and bring you to the ground so if that hasn't been a 10 times greater abuse of personal space that you didn't address tonight then I am going to not believe a complete word you are saying because it's incredibly hypothetical unless it's OK for me to get physical with you if I just use far more excessive force.
Me: No don't try that bullshit. context and trust went into me being ok with that. I've asked you multiple time to stay out of my personal space and you've ignored me. I know if I feel uncomfortable and ask Brody to stop he will especially because it wasn't sexual. This ain't a one size fits all deal. And this shouldn't be a big deal, "hey please don't sexually harass/assault me" "ok I won't do it again and I didn't realize it was an issue at the time"
Im a straight male and although I have no problem with anyone of different sexuality I’ve made it clear that is not how I roll or how I view this acquaintance. I’m just confused and angry right now because after I got out of the Marine Corps I decided I didn’t like who I was and didn’t want to use violence or force to solve my problems. I’m just so angry because I’m trapped between a rock and a hard place because I have to choose between leaving my only friends, putting up with this, and being someone I hate and I’m afraid will
consume me again.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_ongoing
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Question 188
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Title: I left
Text: Yesterday I left and today I am feeling very sad, devastated even. I know this is normal, I know that this is the hardest part but god does it suck doing the right thing sometimes. This is one of the hardest things i’ve had to do, because I never fell out of love with this person, I still love them so much but I had to realize that no matter how much or how hard I love them, they will not change and the abuse will be my future forever if I didn’t leave. I wish I didn’t want to crawl back in his arms but they’re the only ones that could console me right now, I won’t go back but it really sucks that I want to. Looking for some support, i’m having a really hard time with this breakup as I think I trauma bonded with him, I met him a few months after my mother passed, he’s all i’ve known since then, and now I just feel devastated and mad at the world, mad at him, why couldn’t he just treat me like a decent human? None of this had to happen, but he’s given me no choice but to leave, I won’t repeat my family cycles, I come from a traumatic childhood, I have repeatedly dated men who treat me just like my step father treated me my whole childhood, I know more now than I did when I first got sucked into this cycle, and now he’s gone from doing anything to reach out to me to being silent, because he knows it will cause my anxiety to stir and that I will yearn for him to reach out, it’s sick that I want him to reach out because it feels like some kind of connection, literally anything to make me feel better, but I will be strong and not do what i’ve done in the past which is reach out to him when he’s stopped reaching out to me, I feel so sad, I know if I can get past this month that I will be okay but god it sucks to even have to do this, I just wanted him to love me, I just wanted the bare minimum but he refused so I had no other option but to leave 💔
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_past
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Question 189
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Title: the feeling/emotion that never go away
Text: I (F16) is having a hard time to deal with this feelings. There's always been time that I feel numbness for a long time, I got irritated easily by other people, prefer to be alone and always want to cry... Idk why and idk what this feelings... I just want it go away cuz there's been a time I self **** myself and I don't want to do it again... I just want to be normal and happy teenagers... Why does it always have to come and happened again, I'm tired of it I just want it all to end for good...
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing, selfharm_past
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Question 190
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Title: showed my scars to a stranger for the first time today.
Text: hi everyone, i (20m) unfortunately had to go grocery shopping today. wearing my long sleeves like usual. as i was waiting in line i noticed a girl behind me, (i think about 15 years old) visibly uncomfortable because of her scars and the fact that she's wearing short sleeves. i have never pulled up my sleeves in public before and it's something i am usually very hesitant on, but today i decided to do so in an effort to hopefully make a fellow sufferer feel a little bit better. the girl noticed and instantly looked a lot more comfortable.
almost like she realized she's not alone. it was nice seeing her slightly smile instead of that really anxious expression on her face.
edit: wow! thanks so much for the awards and nice comments, really made my day!
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_past
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Question 191
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Title: 4 days and 16 hours clean
Text: I haven’t felt like doing it since I did it last. Hopefully I last at least a month.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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selfharm_past
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Question 192
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Title: my friend told me he plans to kill himself in a couple days
Text: My best friend asked me tp gp check up on our really good friend because no one had heard from him in a week and i live in the same apartment building as him.
He told me he doesn't have long left and that he has one more thing to get in order. I tried to talk to him about it but he didn't want to. Just gave me his reasons and said he didn't want to live anymore.
Then told me to please not tell anybody. I told my friend who asked me to check on him and we're both going to talk to him.
I've never had to deal with this before does anyone here have advice?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 193
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Title: What if I can't remember if I told this person to stop
Text: What do you do if you were really close to someone and they would sometimes say things that made you really uncomfortably. Some of these things were of a sexual nature, but the purely sexual things were not about you. For example, taking about sexual things they did. One time you got so triggered by it you had terrible nightmares about it for weeks. You are 90% sure you had told this person to stop, but they did not. You told no one about this. You haven't talked to this person for forever, but some things are still bothering you. Everything was minimal and not that frequent even if NSFW, but you are 90% sure you told them to STOP very clearly. You are still bothered, but don't know what to do or say. I mean, did you make it clear for them not to? You think so, but you aren't sure. How should someone talk to someone about this? You want to be able to talk about it, but how? What should yo say? You are confused.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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sexualharassment_past
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Question 194
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Title: i want to kill myself because i’m ugly
Text: i’m 17. i’m ugly and hate how much i look like my dad. i hate how my genes didn’t make me look like my mom who’s the most gorgeous person in the world. everyone tells me how beautiful she is, and then say i look nothing like her. i’ve never had a romantic interest nor has anyone other than my family called me pretty. people say that looks don’t matter,,, but i can’t get over the fact that nobody will ever find my attractive in life. i know it’s kinda vain of me,,, but i wonder if i end myself i can somehow turn out prettier in my next life. so what if my friends or family miss me, as if i’d be there to know that. if i can’t stand how i look now to the point i want to kill myself, how am i supposed to go on for the rest of my life like this?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_active_ongoing
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Question 195
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Title: I’m not sure how to feel (tw)
Text: Yesterday I finally made it to 4 days clean. My longest streak since I started cutting routinely. I had a fairly nice outing with my parents last night, but as always we all had to be careful not to start an argument. I went out to eat and to the movies and I felt pretty good. I also started my meds, they didn’t do anything, but they’re not supposed to starting out. Anyways, on my way home I was a bit sad that the energy between my parents was so messed up, but that’s nothing new. When I turned my phone on after the movie I was delighted to see that she wanted to call. When I got home I went in my room and scrolled through Instagram waiting for her to call me and while scrolling I saw that my friends had gone to a record store. All 4 of us hang out but I’ve been too down to include myself and I don’t know why, but it hurt really bad to see them hanging out without me. After that I got everything ready to cut, I fake a good mood, got my supplies and talked to my parent separately so they’d think I was going to sleep and wouldn’t bother me. After everything was ready I went to my room and started cleaning my arm and my blade. Right before I started she said she was about to call me, but once my supplies are ready I can’t back out, I’m a bit mad at myself for it, but I cut right before she called 4 times and while i was on the phone she asked why I was shuffling around so much, I told her I cut my finger and was trying to stop the bleeding. This was true, but she knows I cut and she gave me a kinda sarcastic “yeah, ok”. I spent most of the call listening to her talk while I kept dabbing blood off of my arm. I did 1 fairly deep cut, but the rest were a bit underwhelming. I didn’t really enjoy being clean all that much, I’m gonna keep trying to stop, but I’m really only trying to stop for other people. I’m not very happy with most of my scars and I want more deeper ones. I don’t really even cut for the pain as much as I used to, now it’s mostly to scar myself. My arm is covered in scars, but I’m gonna put more over them because they aren’t visible enough. I don’t feel happy about relapsing, but I don’t really feel bad either. I feel bad for cutting before I got on the phone, but not for the cutting itself. I should have been able to hold off though, that 5 day mark would’ve just hit right about now. I was feeling good, I don’t know why it was harder to hold off on a good day than it was on the other 3 bad days. Luckily i wasn’t feeling too suicidal when I did it because I’m scared that one day I’ll cut and just say fuck it and slit my wrist. I hope these meds work because some days I’m fine, but most days I want to bleed out until there isn’t a drop of blood in my body. Last night I had a dream that I stuck a serrated knife in my stomach and gutted myself. My will to live is weak right now.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing, selfharm_ongoing
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Question 196
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Title: Today I found out that my rapist is going to get away with everything because of incompetent law enforcement and a DA who cares more about his conviction rate than actually helping people.
Text: I read the report and the detective that took my original report wrote that it was a “regrettable sexual encounter” and because of this one line, the entire case is botched.
They left out the part where they made gay jokes and insinuated that I was in an intimate relationship with him. They said that I should’ve came forward earlier instead of waiting 2 days. They said that I’m a man and that I should’ve fought back.
Men get raped too. Men get drugged too. It doesn’t happen as often but when it does, this is why men don’t report it. Because we’re embarrassed of it.
Fuck the law for protecting the rapists.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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rape_past
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Question 197
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Title: Leaving husband during pregnancy
Text: Thinking about divorce during pregnancy
Hey so I posted before about the T.J.maxx incident where I got screamed at for taking too long in the store because he was hungry etc in a past post if you want to look through my previous posts in the pregnancy thread, but Since then some more stuff has transpired and it’s really opened my eyes to things I’ve tolerated in the past that I now will no longer tolerate due to the clarity I’m getting while pregnant.
I spoke to my mom and a close support group and after I told my mom what I’ve been going through she cried and we cried together because she doesn’t want this for me and says I don’t deserve any of this. She confessed she never trusted him and has been trying to put on a face to make me happy because she loves me. So lately I have been thinking about divorce which is terrible timing due to me being pregnant with our first child. But then again if I didn’t get this clarity from being pregnant, I probably would continue to tolerate such things.
I’m posting to see if anyone has been through divorce while pregnant. I’m not perfect and no one is, and I do love my husband. He is great in every other way but then he randomly says or does things that make me go wtf. Sometimes I wonder if I’m blowing up my life for no reason because of my hormones. And other times I feel I need to think for two and start thinking of a plan.
While I’m not being beaten like a red headed step child daily or berated constantly, here are just some examples of what I consider red flags:
-cutting up my clothes and throwing them away when I’m not home because he finds them inappropriate. (A button down skirt and flowy boho pants that obviously make my ass look great)
-pinching me hard when I don’t do what he asks
-punch me in the arm because he thinks I slammed his car door on purpose
-policing my food while pregnant (vocally only- I do what I want anyways)
-shutting off the power to stop me from playing piano and threatening to cut the power cord to my piano if I try to play again
-threatening to turn my data and wifi off so I can’t stay up later than him
-won’t let me go to the couch to stay up late since it bothers him so much. I have to be in bed
-telling me our baby will hate me because of how I treat him ???
-saying I am a bad mom and wife
-asking if I can do anything right
-called me a stupid fucking idiot in front of my brother because it took me a minute to understand how to drive the tractor
-telling his whole family I’m an alcoholic because he doesn’t want me to drink (pre pregnancy) but they don’t believe him and told me he’s too controlling over me
-refuses to have friends. And won’t see his family unless I go with. Will also not go to a store or down the road etc. Unless I go with.
-talks shit about my friends and family
-has canceled numerous couple therapists and therapy sessions in my effort to work things out
And more.
I know that he talks intensely always so I always just summed it up to having to differentiate what he really means but now I’ve realized no, he means what he says. I also want to know if theres any instances of these scenarios where the person isn’t actually abusive and it’s somewhat normal given the situation? Nobody is perfect right?
I guess I just want to know has anyone kind of gone through separation during pregnancy as well? And if maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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domesticviolence_ongoing
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Question 198
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Title: I'm going to die why don't they care
Text: More and more I can feel it and still everyone I care about continues to ghost me, mock me, treat me like shit and obviously not give a damn about me. I like myself and I try my best to be a good person but apparently all I am to anyone is a burden, something they have the displeasure of dealing with and once they're tired of this supposedly horrible THING that is me im not worth even a single word, im just to be thrown aside and forgotten like I never meant anything to them.
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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Question 199
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Title: I need help
Text: I’m very lonely and have been that way for years now. I’m autistic and have an extremely hard time communicating with others without coming off as rude or awkward. I’ve tried reaching out to people at school, in public, at work, at the gym and every time it just ends in embarrassment for some reason. I haven’t had a really good friend since my buddy John died 4 years ago and everyone else is either off at college, too busy with work or took the wrong path in life. I’ve tried counciling but it’s very expensive and never really got me that far. I really don’t like myself and wish I was a better person. I feel like I’m in an endless loop of misery, I keep getting told that good times are ahead but I’ve been told that for 7 fuckin years now and I’m getting frustrated and tired. Please help me
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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no_crisis
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Question 200
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Title: Do you guys fantasize about your suicide?
Text: I think about it a lot. Like I imagine how it'll play out.
Who would find me, the mess it would make, how my apartment would likely smell of my decomposing corpse and how that would likely give away what actually happened. The process of distributing my stuff and the pain my father and boyfriend would be going through. My co workers finding out, how they would all act surprised and pretend they never saw this coming.
Do you guys go through the same thing?
For any crisis present, mark whether it is Ongoing or Past.
**Leave a row blank if that crisis type is not present.**
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suicideideation_passive_ongoing
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